I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
