I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
