so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
