Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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