I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
