Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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