I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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