my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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