I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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