absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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