She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
