Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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