if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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