he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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