He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
