dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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