Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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