I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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