As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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