In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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