she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
