I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
