oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
