I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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