I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
