You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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