Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
