I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
