Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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