does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
