OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
