i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
