just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
