I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
