im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sarcasm needs its own font
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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