Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
