i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
