I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
