i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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