i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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