The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
