Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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