Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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