I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
