Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
