i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
