This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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