in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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