so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
