im six kinds of drunk right now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
